Avant-Garde in an army of “collective” individuals.

Ghosting - TCS - 2018

A repetitive vision in my mind is the one where the self-proclaimed saviours of the world are truly the ones lost. Like a Greek tragedy where it is incredibly apparent to the audience, the character is wasting their time.

These visions come to me when I'm walking, driving and talking. The latter is among times of judgement, to which I remind inner archetypes that judgements more or less have more to do with me and less to do with the person I am speaking with. Though the inner gods come back to remind me to watch, "The person who is talking with you is actively judging you."

"But does it make it right for me to respond with judgemental thought?"

The inner world shrugs and says it's neither here nor there, and told me not to let it poorly impact my conversation just to see if they further dig holes.

In my last radio episode, I focused on defining shadow work. The term coined by Carl Jung represents the work done in recognizing, individuating and then integrating the parts of the self that are unconscious, with the conscious.

Due to my investigative nature, this is a process I've been undergoing for the past 10 or so years and I still feel like I haven't gotten very far.

These visions of the lost and wandering blind, saviours led me to another part of shadow psychology I have been pursuing. The I, the unconscious and then the collective psyche. I've been in states of pursuing each and every single thought, action, image and asking, "Where did you come from? Why?"

In my studies of altruism and narcissism, it has been noted that having a rather strong sense of self is a very western idea. Although I think at this time the idea is more widespread than that. Yet, I haven't met many people who wonder if their need for identity is part of an inherited psyche and society's desire for imitation. Perhaps they do, they just aren't noisy about it.

There is a growing amount of people begging to be different and then complaining about being treated like they are different as if they don't realize they are just trying to create a purpose for their life. So they may feel more worthy of themselves.

I used to do this a lot. I suppose years of taking care of an unchanging group of people who wanted to be better but just never did the work, has changed my value on identity and purpose.

An article I read about Gay Rights Movements in the past and the parallels in movements today, explained something about labels that stuck in my mind. In the 60s - 80s, they were fighting to be accepted without labels due to those labels being negative. Today they fight to be recognized for their labels and pronouns.

The creation of these labels shows a way of identifying like-minded people. That I, because I identify as such, can now find others who identify as such and they will accept me. Creating a feeling of belonging.

But the feeling of belonging comes with some inherited need to defend against those who don't. Creating conflict by simply belonging, creates purpose. We can get lost here and miss the true work that needs to be done.

"Oh, I don't hide any part of myself, if I had to do that," shakes head, "Nope, I'd leave."

That is what I was told when I said not everyone needs to know what I think about. I don't hide from others, but I do like playing games. I just never make it easy for people to know everything. Their comment was an assumption that I don't want others to know what I think due to it impacting my ability to succeed without prejudice from others.

No, it's actually due to the fact that there is too much prey touching my traps all the time, so I hide the good treats at the end of a maze. A longitudinal study of how people maneuver mazes of booby traps. Why? I'm curious, I want to see how they do it that's all.

The less aware you are of your shadow, the more it makes the majority of your decisions.

Who can say where this desire for purpose, the desire to be a grand part of some glorious greater good comes from. In me, it was due to the fact I couldn't accept the fact, that I like being alone. I like talking to my unconscious. I enjoy spending time quietly arguing and analyzing, I like having secrets only I know. I've been this way ever since I developed a sense of self.

I grew up with the teachings that you had to care for others, help people, be nice, and pay it forward. Call your mother, tell her you to love her, call your friends and communicate with them. If you didn't talk to your circle, then you weren't in one anymore. Over time this idea of responsibility for other people impacted my ability to be comfortable asking for space.

^ This idea right here is part of the collective psyche and is not a part of my own.

I try not to eat social justice warriors alive, due to the fact that they may in fact are doing necessary work.

When it comes to things such as kink however I get confused. I am a young person in a world of people who live in the past, a past I don't see.

So, with all these candid conversations about normalizing every single aspect of the sense of "being oneself" I am reminded of why it's okay for me to be alone. I recognize this is sometimes an outlet for an emotion that has nothing to do with reality and is from the collective psyche stuck in the past.

I've been hearing about fake people and masks my entire life. The truth is, the more masked the person is the more you're seeing the projection of their unconscious. One could argue that this makes them more real.

I've watched more people become aware and wake up in the past couple of years than I can count. I've also watched the ones who were awake, fall asleep.

We are lacking in trust and faith. In economy, stability, democracy, sovereignty and each other. Who can blame them? This aeon is still the time when, "If you don't agree in every way with what I agree in, then you're wrong no matter what you speak on."

It is temporary.

I wonder if anyone else questions if they are real or not, or if they feel like they are in a dream. I wonder if everyone has a god, a cat, a mouse, a tiger, a banshee, a mermaid, a knight, a strict librarian, a thief, a mage and an incubus living in their mind.

A world within a world.

Sometimes I actively imagine a banshee scream erupting from my lips as my fist plows into the ground beneath me causing the world to crack completely in half and chaos erupts.

The only difference between this state I am in and insanity is that it was intentional.

In a world of normal, I’d rather be avant-garde and there’s nothing I do that I’d like to normalize. There’s work in this world that is dangerous.

Welcome to the psyche.